Thursday, March 28, 2013

Taxonomy: Mutanid

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Paradoxa
Order: Mutanid

Today's Paradoxa Taxonomy is the Order Mutanid. This order contains many famous monsters within its ranks. Two of these are the Sphinx (Genus Sphinx) and Manticores (Genus Manticora), both of the family Chimidae.

Mutanids are refereed to often as the "Mixing Pot" or "Hodge-Podge" order. The creatures that make up this order can generally be described as "Stitched" together.

The two primary families that make up the Mutanids are the Chimidae and Virtuidae.

The family Chimidae is easily the largest of the Mutanid groups. Also known as Chimeras These creatures are the stereotypical monster that consists of multiple creatures. The Sphinx, Manticore, and Chimera all make up the ranks of this family.

The simplest rule of thumb for Chimidae is that if the creature has the physical parts of at least two or three separate creatures there is a good chance it will be included in this family.

The Virtuous Creatures, while similar to chimidae these creatures are more than just a biological mixing pot. Generally a great deal of magic or spiritual essence is contained within these creatures. The European Unicorns and Asian Q'lin (Kirin) would be an excellent example. While most Q'lin appear to be made up of several seperate animals like a Chimidae, they appear to be more shaped by magical forces than their predecessors and have many fantastical powers to match.

Examples include Unicorns ability to disappear with magic and the Q'lin ability to fly without benefit of gas bladders or wings.

Mutanid vs Varinid
The order is not to be confused with the Varinid order. Varinids are mostly indistinguishable from a non-paradoxa creature. However they have some special difference that pushes them outside of the normal nomenclature for that genus or species. Mutanids on the other hand are vastly different creatures that may resemble in some way a different species, but they are wholly different.


Two excellent examples would be Unicorns and Leechmen.

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Paradoxa
Order: Mutanid
Family: Virtuidae
Genus: Equicornus
Species: E. Unicornus

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Paradoxa
Order: Varinid
Family: Personidae
Genus: Sanguisga
Species: S. Candeo

While a Unicorn appears for the most part as a regular horse it is different in very intrinsic ways. The creature is part magical being. The only way these noble creatures can be documented is by teams of virgin female researchers. Editor's Note: This makes for an interesting and uncomfortable interview process for positions on the research teams and very strict rules while in the field. 

They are clearly not horses in any shape and while maintaining many physical resemblances their light and appearance would make it impossible to mistake a unicorn for a horse.

Leechmen on the other hand resemble a normal human in every way except for a few minor differences such as sparkling in bright light and their cold touch. The leech venom that courses through their veins acts in the place of blood for these creatures. Yet they can walk amongst humans in most conditions with no one the wiser for their presence.

Saturday, March 23, 2013


There are many old orders which hunt monsters; the Vatican's Pontifical Swiss Shadow Guard, the Dutch Hellsing Institute, The Shaolin Devil Hunters, etc. Each of these organizations has long protected mankind from that which dwells in the dark.

However these institutions are for the most part secretive and insular by nature. Many view the others with suspicion and mistrust. In some cases such as that between the Swiss Guard and the French Foreign Legion hunting teams it is a healthy and competitive competition. In other cases such as the York Rite's Templars and the Islamic Shayātīn Assassins there have been cases of hostility and outright violence when the two organizations meet.

The Department of Paranormal Research, Containment, and Destruction; commonly known as the DPRCD, came into being in the mid 20th century. This multinational organization was formed by groups of concerned citizens who saw the darkness encroaching on mankind and chose to fight back. The organization was founded as a non-profit entity that would avoid the regionalism and issues that served to isolate other such entities.

The first hunter team the DPRCD put into the field saw action in the jungles of Vietnam. The fifty man team enrolled US, Australian, and French hunters with both North and South Vietnamese acting as guides and manpower. Frustrated by both sides ignoring the growing number of undead attacks that plagued North and South during the war the DPRCD team operated in secret across the country, even entering Cambodia and Laos to pursue the overfed children of Xương Cuồng and setting to peace many of the angry spirits that the bloodshed had caused.

Recruits to the DPRCD come from every corner of the world and rapidly became the leader for paranormal extermination research and conduct. The department understands that the most effective way to neutralize the threat is the application of science and understanding backed with traditional faith and the human spirit.

The DPRCD is comprised of four distinct elements.

Tactical Branch: The Department's Tactical Branch is a paramilitary order responsible for the training of international Hunter teams and response forces. The personnel that make up its ranks range from combat veterans and skilled hunters to talented survivors and local volunteers.

Research Branch: The Department's Research Branch is responsible for delving into the secrets of the occult and undead to learn new defenses, better our understanding, and provide the Tactical Branch the tools it needs to protect humanity. Its members range from crypto-biologists and meta-physicists to blacksmiths and chemists.

Logistical Branch: The Department's least recognized but incredibly important group. The Logistical Branch keeps the organization running. It's members provide the funds, support, transportation, and other resources necessary for the organization to continue functioning. The men and women of this group are made up of transport experts, diplomats, lawyers, pilots, and investigators.

Contract Branch: Recognizing that it is incapable of single-handedly fulfilling its role of protecting humanity the DPRCD has taken many smaller organizations on as Contractors that while working with the Department they are still separate entities. Some contractors are independent groups that are brought on for certain situations while others work so closely as to be almost indistinguishable from it. Holy Ammunition falls under this department's purview.

Each Branch is further divided into groups, orders, and missions that ensure the running of a successful operation.

All the Department of Paranormal Research, Containment, and Destruction members have a common goal. The protection of humanity from that which lurks in the shadows. The tireless efforts of these brave men and women keep the werewolf from the door.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Customer Service

We at Holy Ammunition believe fully in satisfying customers. A satisfied customer is a deadly customer and we pride ourselves in providing the most lethal monster hunting ordnance.

Hat Tip to Coyoteblog, when a customer requests a refund it is always examined to see if it is due to the fault of the client (if the client pushes the do not push button then it is pretty clear who is at fault).

However when your company comes out and says that you will give a refund for your defective product then when your customers contact you and you then refuse to give a refund that is another thing.

EA: You may request a refund.
Client: I would like a refund.
EA: Thank you for requesting a refund......DENIED!

This is becoming a very serious trend in gaming today. We at HA stopped purchasing pre-order games and now await reviews to see whether the game will be of any quality.

As more cases of voting with your wallet come to light it will force companies to re-evaluate their methods.

FULL DISCLOSURE: The reason I did not purchase SIM CITY was not because of the always online DRM, but because it was on Origin. The same reason I have not purchased Mass Effect 3. I have Steam and am quite satisfied with its services and game selection. I also do not trust EA as far as I could throw a Minotaur.

Interestingly enough something very similar is happening with movies. Thanks to the internet and spread of information bad movies no longer have a full opening weekend to make their money, in many cases they have just opening night. An example of this would be the Green Lantern movie, while Universal is having great success with the Marvel franchise and Warner Brothers is doing well with Batman and the soon launch of another Superman film the movie Green Lantern died in films. Bad reviews for it came out before the sun had even risen on its opening day. Many were warned away from it by these and the film failed to make back its money.

Street Fighter: We call her Chun-Li was absolutely terrible, same with Speed Racer. Instead of being able to rely on people not knowing about these movies until word of mouth had spread it the next week these films no longer have a weekend, but a single night to make their money.

Legality of Hunters

Long gone are the days when all it took to be a hunter was a suicidal abandon, righteous zeal, and a pointed stick. A very real concern that monster hunters face in this day and age is the threat of the law.

This is the first post in a series on laws and the legality of hunting monsters. We will delve into different areas of the law and what legal hoops a hunter must jump through to protect humanity.

Each and every area has its own rules and regulations that govern a hunter's ability to pursue prey. For ease of Classification HA has divided these countries into categories:

Monster Protection:
Certain misguided individuals will sometimes try to protect monsters and their ilk from hunters with regulation of when and where they can be hunted. It also covers permits and legal documents that a hunter will need. This can appear multiple times as National, Regional, and Local laws sometimes disagree.

An excellent example of this would be Los Angeles and San Fransisco. Both cities reside within the state of California inside of the United States of America. The United States of America while a melting pot of humans does not recognize the rights of a majority of creatures beyond humans to exist. While most things are not denied by their laws there is a massive difference on the State level.

California has some of the most restrictive monster hunting laws within the USA. However many such as the Chupacabra (Genus Caprisangulgus) despite being less common than other species are considered vermin and are not protected while within San Francisco where it is rare to find them the Chupacabra is listed as a protected species while Los Angeles actually pays a bounty for their heads.

Equipment Laws:
Another integral part of hunting, if a hunter is only allowed to go out with a pointed stick and a pocket knife they will have considerably less luck than one armed with the latest technology. However high-explosives, automatic weapons, and other tools may not be carried in many areas. In some countries such as Britain the very act of carrying a simple knife is illegal.

This extends beyond just weaponry to other equipment as well. In most of Australia it is illegal to merely possess body armour. In parts of the United States it is illegal to hunt using night vision devices depending on the species being pursued.

Local Perception/Integration:
How accepting the populace in general to not just the existence of the paranormal, but to the hunting of them. Not necessarily the legality, but how well are the creatures integrated into the population. Is the town you are going to hunt in 90%+ monsters such as some werewolf dominated places in the Catskills? Is the town police and government inundated by Shape-shifters or Vampires?

These are important questions that every hunter has to know before they enter a territory. More than one well meaning savior has hunted a beast to its home and slain it only to be strung up by a lynch mob for killing an "innocent". For while not a true legal matter has great standing on a Hunter's safety.

Methods of Hunting:
While similar to both the Protection and Equipment categories, methods of hunting is different enough to require its own derivation. This category determines the techniques that may be used in purging creatures. An example would be areas that outlaw trap hunting.

Miscellaneous Rules & Regulations:
This category is for any extra legal notes that a hunter would need to know when hunting in an area.

We will continue updating this series so as to better educate those hunters and improve their safety and success.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Taxonomy: Sanguisga Candeo

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Paradoxa
Order: Varinid
Family: Personidae
Genus: Sanguisga
Species: S. Candeo

A slightly fascinating and disturbing species, what was thought to be a new species of vampire discovered and dissected in the Pacific Northwest in2005 turned out to be nothing of the kind. Although there were slight similarities, they needed to feed on blood and they had fangs, they were found to be completely and intrinsically a different species and could not be classified as such. The term Leechmen appears to be the most appropriate. In these regards they were classified as such.

Order: Varinid, the variant Order, this order is comprised of creatures that are almost something else, but there is an important difference, also known as the fakes and pretenders.

Family: Personidae, members of this family are a human or hominid variant.

Genus: Sanguisga, this genus is made up of Bloodsuckers and creatures which survive on blood.

Species: Sanguisga Candeo, Shining Bloodsuckers. The leechmen sparkle in the sunlight, this is what lead to the distinction.

While capable of turning humans into their own kind and ageless this new species exhibited none of the signs normally associated with vampires.

The most notable differences appeared to be:

Skin: Their skin appeared to have crystallized somehow through a means not explainable in any way, shape, or form into something much harder than normal(about the level of a Class IIIA Bullet Proof Vest) skin yet still flexible. This exiting discovery has led to an increased number of hunters seeking these creatures to track them down and skin them to create better body armor.

Blood: The fluid that flowed through their veins turned out to be little more than a flammable and parasitic substance and not blood. It flowed like molasses and has been classified as a Category A UN2814, Biohazard Level 3 Substance. The substance appears to have a paralytic effect to another strain of shape shifters also recently located, however due to the risk of infecting humans it has been deemed unsuitable to be used in combat.

Eyes: The youngest of these creatures had blood red eyes. For some reason she did not hide them from other members of the student body and would respond to all stimuli with a sullen pout. The older members of the brood had yellowish golden eyes. Other specimens captured have dark crimson eyes, while the subjects explained this difference was diet related, Holy Ammunition Scientists found under clinical trials that it was entirely a mental response and had nothing to do with their diet.

Sparkle: The feature that makes it difficult for these bloodsuckers to hide is the sparkles that direct sunlight produces. Their strange skin will sparkle in bright light. This makes it very difficult for the leechmen to hide in any location and must have been explained away by the teenage looking creatures being ravers with too much body glitter.

Initially thought to only inhabit the Pacific Northwest of the United States of America, sitings of these creatures have been recorded since 2005 in Italy and Africa. Curious as to why these creatures are tolerated by the local Nosferatu populations our researchers interrogated several local broods.
The response was almost universally pity at what the vampires considered to be a pathetic creature. In many cases the vampire being questioned seemed almost embarrassed by the existence of these beings and tended to avoid them rather than stamp them out.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Electricity and the Hunter

Amongst the greatest achievements man has ever done is controlling directed electrons. It has provided us a limitless source of light to keep the night at bay through the use of light bulbs. However beyond powering flashlights, radios, and night vision devices electricity can be used as a weapon in the fight against monsters.

While Vampires (Genus Nosferatu) are little more than corpses animated with a dark energy and lust for blood, they still retain a biology very similar to that of a human being. This holds true for zombies, ghouls, and many other “undead” creatures.

As a result these perversions of natural law still have nervous systems capable of transmitting electric signals through the body.

The way a normal human body works is that the our living essence, beating heart, and functioning brain run off of very small amounts of electricity generated by all the cells within our body. To twitch your finger the brain fires off a series of electrical charges to the exact nerve cells which in turn release another electrical neurotransmitter that moves the muscle and sends feedback to the brain.

Depending on the variety of the undead these same nerve cells are either still functioning through the transmission of small amounts of electricity; this is most true for those undead which still mostly resemble humanity, or dark magic is forcing these same actions without the chemical and electric stimuli.

What matters to the hunter however is that the nerve cells that send and receive the neurotransmitters still function. Using the same devices that work on humans, stun guns & tasers, a hunter is capable of triggering the remaining nerves within a corpse and prevents the natural electricity/magic from functioning.

This is a great equalizer, it doesn’t matter if the creature is ten times stronger and twice the speed of a hunter, if a monster can’t even control a finger then they lose many of their unnatural advantages. With this in mind tazers and stun guns make up an essential part of a monster hunter’s arsenal. While these tools won’t usually destroy a beast it will provide the hunter with time and opportunity.

In some cases electricity can be a weapon itself. While not undead, Leechmen (********), have a flammable venom that runs through their body. The spark caused by a stun will set this fluid alight and consume it; against electricity the Leechman’s crystallized skin is no defense.

Non-Corporeal Creatures:
There are many ethereal and non-corporeal creatures in existence within the Order Necromunidae, they are almost exclusively within the family (*********). These creatures do not have a normal substance and can be made out of ectoplasm, aether, or many other magical elements.

One thing that most of these being have in common is that their presence disturbs the fabric of reality and generates an electromagnetic field. Electricity can disrupt the makeup of these creatures and unravel the very fabric which allows them to form. In this regards stun guns can be an extremely potent weapon against attacks from ethereal attackers.

Editor’s Note: Unfortunately efforts to create electrified armor have been suspended after the tragic and spectacular accident that consumed our last volunteer. However the State of Texas Penal system has shown great interest in these vests.

The Living:
It goes without saying that thanks to the quirks of biology what is effective against humans is also effective against many species of monsters. While not all creatures share the common biology of humans, enough do that stun guns and tazers should be part of every monster hunter’s kit. The use of electricity on different species will be explored in later posts and used to update outdated taxonomy reports in the hunter’s guide.

Good luck and safe hunting.